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Scott-Allen flipped on the old slide projector, it was an archaic and unnecessary misuse of technology, especially in this day and age but he loved it all the same, especially for the one lecture he insisted on giving himself, a pet project lecture he called "Introduction to Hospitality Engineers Licences Limited". He pulled out his best Ben Stein-esque monotone and started on his presentation flicking painfully slowly through the old slides, "In 1939, at the beginning of what they refer to as the second global or "world war"," he began prattling, even adding the effect of miming finger quotations when he said "world war" just for that extra added non-dramatic effect.
He paused briefly glancing around the room before continuing, some wise-ass in the back row of the lecture hall was sticking a #2 pencil into his eyeball thus proving Scott-Allen was doing an excellent job with his torture by boredom lecture. The front row was sitting directly under a vent that by all rights and reason should have been blowing cold air into their climate controlled environment, the AC had been on the fritz lately and the vent chugged sticky humid warm air into the already overcrowded and poorly vented space. While Scott-Allen had fully intended to have it fixed the truth of it was he really didn't mind watching the new recruits sweat it out, especially the brown-nosers who thought somehow they would make themselves more appealing to him by sitting front and center of the dreary lecture hall.
He continued on his disquisition; "We saw internally here in the bank of S.O.U.L a minor uprising of some of our best and brightest, who thought they were perhaps ready for a full scale takeover of the mainstream culture. Now what we learned from the little adventure of one Jim Baker, who for those of you who weren't present or paying attention in history class, renamed himself to one Mr. Adolf Hitler, believing as he did that German names and identities were substantially more fear inducing than more English or American sounding names, he had also considered several Russian name choices including Vladimir Putin an unoriginal choice by one Don Brown who decided to merge top side most recently, was that conquest of the people top-side is not for the faint of heart and full scale dictatorship of a population base that large is best acquired via financial means. So we founded the Savings Our Users Love bank and trust shortly after Jim Bakers failure at absolute authority and have grown into a multinational conglomerate force in the past 60 years. Such ventures as Starbucks, McDonalds, and Disney all got their major funding from the bank of S.O.U.L and we are slowly encroaching on 3 billion members world wide. Contrary to popular belief we were in no way affiliated with George Lucas, the success of Star Wars was honestly a rare case of extreme luck."
Scott-Allen flipped through another half dozen slides that appeared to have nothing to do with what sounded like complete drivel coming out of his mouth. Just as it seemed he was losing his new recruits to day dreams of scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes or listening to insufferable aunt Martha talk about her latest colonoscopy, he paused his lecture, pushing his circular framed glasses up his pointed nose.
With a glint of flame-red flickering across his eyes he said; "Now do we have any questions?" The room remained silent, "Good now if you'll just turn to page 247 in your new recruit manual you will have 10 minutes to review all of this information after which there will be a brief quiz on material you are in no way familiar with that was not covered here today at all. No you may not leave early, yes your scores of the test will determine your placements in our organization. In all likelihood however you will end up cleaning out the cages of the flying monkeys, at least in the beginning, those of you who prove to be useful flying-monkey-feces collectors may advance in our organization, remember we are capitalists and teamwork will not be tolerated. Work smart not hard."
As he packed up his projector and began wheeling it's screeching metal case out of the lecture hall, he turned back to the room of horrified looking individuals from all walks of life, and said, "oh yes, my name is Scott-Allen Timmothy Andrew Norris, you may call me Mr. Norris, on behalf of all of us here at Hospitality Engineers Licences Limited, welcome, the air-conditioning should be fixed sometime next week."
Thanks for reading my LJ idol entry for week 12, these characters have appeared before here and here but the stories are in no way sequential or required reading. Please consider reading and voting for your favourites when the polls go up :)
He paused briefly glancing around the room before continuing, some wise-ass in the back row of the lecture hall was sticking a #2 pencil into his eyeball thus proving Scott-Allen was doing an excellent job with his torture by boredom lecture. The front row was sitting directly under a vent that by all rights and reason should have been blowing cold air into their climate controlled environment, the AC had been on the fritz lately and the vent chugged sticky humid warm air into the already overcrowded and poorly vented space. While Scott-Allen had fully intended to have it fixed the truth of it was he really didn't mind watching the new recruits sweat it out, especially the brown-nosers who thought somehow they would make themselves more appealing to him by sitting front and center of the dreary lecture hall.
He continued on his disquisition; "We saw internally here in the bank of S.O.U.L a minor uprising of some of our best and brightest, who thought they were perhaps ready for a full scale takeover of the mainstream culture. Now what we learned from the little adventure of one Jim Baker, who for those of you who weren't present or paying attention in history class, renamed himself to one Mr. Adolf Hitler, believing as he did that German names and identities were substantially more fear inducing than more English or American sounding names, he had also considered several Russian name choices including Vladimir Putin an unoriginal choice by one Don Brown who decided to merge top side most recently, was that conquest of the people top-side is not for the faint of heart and full scale dictatorship of a population base that large is best acquired via financial means. So we founded the Savings Our Users Love bank and trust shortly after Jim Bakers failure at absolute authority and have grown into a multinational conglomerate force in the past 60 years. Such ventures as Starbucks, McDonalds, and Disney all got their major funding from the bank of S.O.U.L and we are slowly encroaching on 3 billion members world wide. Contrary to popular belief we were in no way affiliated with George Lucas, the success of Star Wars was honestly a rare case of extreme luck."
Scott-Allen flipped through another half dozen slides that appeared to have nothing to do with what sounded like complete drivel coming out of his mouth. Just as it seemed he was losing his new recruits to day dreams of scrubbing toilets with toothbrushes or listening to insufferable aunt Martha talk about her latest colonoscopy, he paused his lecture, pushing his circular framed glasses up his pointed nose.
With a glint of flame-red flickering across his eyes he said; "Now do we have any questions?" The room remained silent, "Good now if you'll just turn to page 247 in your new recruit manual you will have 10 minutes to review all of this information after which there will be a brief quiz on material you are in no way familiar with that was not covered here today at all. No you may not leave early, yes your scores of the test will determine your placements in our organization. In all likelihood however you will end up cleaning out the cages of the flying monkeys, at least in the beginning, those of you who prove to be useful flying-monkey-feces collectors may advance in our organization, remember we are capitalists and teamwork will not be tolerated. Work smart not hard."
As he packed up his projector and began wheeling it's screeching metal case out of the lecture hall, he turned back to the room of horrified looking individuals from all walks of life, and said, "oh yes, my name is Scott-Allen Timmothy Andrew Norris, you may call me Mr. Norris, on behalf of all of us here at Hospitality Engineers Licences Limited, welcome, the air-conditioning should be fixed sometime next week."
Thanks for reading my LJ idol entry for week 12, these characters have appeared before here and here but the stories are in no way sequential or required reading. Please consider reading and voting for your favourites when the polls go up :)
